It is unacceptable to pester a friend’s wife – both under the male friendship code and moral standards. But what to do if you are in love with her? Be silent and fight with your feeling? Our heroine involuntarily became a participant in such a story. And the psychologist explained the nature of the actions – both her and her husband’s friend.
“He is a good man, deserves happiness”
Nyuta, 37 years old:
“Ilya and I met with common friends at the New Year celebration and left the party together. And a year later we decided to get married. At the wedding, I noticed that Dima, the best friend of the groom, did not take my eyes off me. We were familiar for a long time, of course, but he first looked at me like that. However, I remembered this later – on the day the wedding was not up to it.
We lived in fun: we combined their studies in the fifth year with part -time jobs, rented an apartment from friends for little money and, of course, gnawed at might and main. Then I began to pay attention to Dima’s behavior. After drinking, he could say something strange.
Once we had guests, I pretended to be in front of the mirror in the hallway, and he came up behind, held out his hands to me and pulled them out without touching me. Another time we dressed, also a large crowd, and he helped me put on a coat. When I was very close, he said very quietly – either to himself, or to me: “What a beautiful you are …”
At that
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time I reveled in a new life – freedom from parental hyper -beam, with my love of my husband, a sense of my own “adulthood” and irresistibility. I consciously and unconsciously flirted with Dima, flirted – however, everything is within the framework of decency.
I did not need anything from him, I liked it. My attention was flattered
Some time later Dima disappeared from radar. The husband with him sometimes saw one on one and said that a friend had a girlfriend. I felt something like jealousy, but at the same time I was sincerely happy: he is a good man, deserves happiness.
We have not seen each other for six months, Dima seemed to avoid me. However, on his birthday and my husband invited me. I met his girlfriend, I liked her. Friendly and polite, she did not seek to get closer to me. They looked happy and were, I must say, a beautiful couple. We began to get out of the four or in a large company more often. So several months have passed. Dima made his girlfriend a proposal, they planned a wedding.
On some day, we were all at the dacha of my parents, where my husband and I quarreled very much-I don’t even remember why. Everything happened literally in front of friends. I realized that I would pay now, and went away from everyone. I WAS VERY ILL. Soon I was caught up by Dima. I cried, and he hugged me and said something comforting. In a friendly manner, there was nothing indecent. I think if my husband saw this scene, he would not have bothering – a friend reassures his friend, what is the kind.
But the girl found us Dimin – she came up, removed the ring from her finger and gave it to him
Her words struck me: “You do not need no one except her. Do not cheat at least yourself “. He was silent and said only: “Sorry”. I left to let them talk. But soon she left alone, not allowing him even to take her.
We haven’t seen each other for a couple of months. From my husband I knew that these two broke up. I felt guilty, although I did nothing bad. And then I switched to my life – a pregnancy test showed two strips, my husband and I rejoiced and made plans for the future. Ilya shared his joy with Dima … And then he informed me that he suddenly accepted his work offer and left Peter to the Far East.
Our daughter is growing. And Dima is alone, single, and lives somewhere by the Pacific Ocean. We did not see each other, did not explain, did not discuss anything. Only every year on my birthday I get the same message on a brief congratulation from it. And for some reason every time I feel sad and … guilt “.
“This is a story in which a man himself is responsible for his suffering”
Inessa Zakharyan, psychologist:
Such stories are found. And often the female audience condemns that wife, who “specially” does something special, owns some tricks so that the poor man (who is usually sorry) to keep with him. Everyone is familiar with these expressions: “And you let him know that there will be nothing”, “He will be better off,“ She torments him ”. Of course, there is an element of envy here.
